If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
Let’s face it–English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple…
English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
Questions about love, marriage and sex were posed to kids ages 5 to 10. Their answers below are enlightening:
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??
“Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don’t have to work any more, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)
“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife!” (Tom, 5)
The European Union commissioners have announced that, following Brexit, agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
ASSA COMMONS – Our Parliament Building.
ART ATTACK – Extremely perturbed, as in “Don’t tell Sharon, She’ll have an art attack.”
ARST – Past tense of ask. “Jordan, I must’ve arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room.”
BANNSA – A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club. “Dave’s got izself a job as a bannsa.”
BANTY – A chocolate and coconut snack bar.
In the old country (England)the following signs were posted.
Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN