Work Dares

One Point Dares

• Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
• To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
• Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
• Walk sideways to the photocopier.

• While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
• When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
• Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy…”
• Don’t use any punctuation.
• Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
• Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
• Run one lap around the office at top speed
• Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other ‘non-player’ must be in the toilet at the time).
• Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, “Just called to say I can’t talk right now. Bye.”
• To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
• When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!”
• Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
• Walk sideways to the photocopier.
• While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

Three Point Dares

• Say to your boss, “I like your style”, wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
• Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
• Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
• Every time you get an email, shout ”email”.
• Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
• Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, “dagnamit, it’s happened again!”. Then do it again.
• Introduce yourself to a new colleague as “the office bicycle”. Then wink and pout.
• Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can’t seem to access any p*rnography web sites.
• Say to your boss, “I like your style” and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
• Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, “Did you get all that, I don’t want to have to repeat it”.
• Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
• Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a ‘non-player’ within sight).
• Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

Five Point Dares

• At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
• Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
• For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Dave”.
• Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
• When you’ve picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ”she can abort it for all I care”.
• After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: “The report’s on your desk, Mon.” Keep this up for one hour.
• In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”
• At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!”
• Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
• Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
• During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
• As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
• Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
• Sign or pp all letters with your initials and a swastika.
• Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, “I’ll see you tonight”.
• At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem – (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
• Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
• For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Bob”.
• Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
• After every sentence, say ‘mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in “the report’s on your desk, mon”. Keep this up for one hour.
• While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
• In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”
• At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again.”
• In a colleague’s diary, write in 10am: “See how I look in tights”.
• Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask “You wanna trade?”
• Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now”.
• Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, “I can’t talk about it”.
• Posing as a maitre d’, call a colleague and tell him he’s won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
• Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
• Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
• Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
• Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
• During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
• Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn’t enough for you – here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere…

• At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
• Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
• Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it “IN.”
• Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
• In the subject field for all your e-mails, write ” FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS”.
• Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
• Don’t use any punctuation
• As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
• Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
• Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
• Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
• Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
• Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
• When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!”
• When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, Run for your lives, they’re loose!”