Ponderous Thoughts

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you’re born again, do you have two belly buttons?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “asteroids”?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?

Atheism is a nonprophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

And whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have an “S” in it?