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Office Dares

One Point Dares

  • Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
  • To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
  • Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
  • Walk sideways to the photocopier.

  • While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
  • When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
  • Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy…”
  • Don’t use any punctuation.
  • Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
  • Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
  • Run one lap around the office at top speed
  • Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other ‘non-player’ must be in the toilet at the time).
  • Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, “Just called to say I can’t talk right now. Bye.”
  • To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
  • When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!”
  • Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
  • Walk sideways to the photocopier.
  • While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

Three Point Dares

  • Say to your boss, “I like your style”, wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
  • Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
  • Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
  • Every time you get an email, shout ”email”.
  • Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  • Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, “dagnamit, it’s happened again!”. Then do it again.
  • Introduce yourself to a new colleague as “the office bicycle”. Then wink and pout.
  • Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can’t seem to access any p*rnography web sites.
  • Say to your boss, “I like your style” and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
  • Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, “Did you get all that, I don’t want to have to repeat it”.
  • Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
  • Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a ‘non-player’ within sight).
  • Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

Five Point Dares

  • At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
  • Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
  • For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Dave”.
  • Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
  • When you’ve picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ”she can abort it for all I care”.
  • After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: “The report’s on your desk, Mon.” Keep this up for one hour.
  • In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”
  • At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!”
  • Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
  • Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
  • During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
  • As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
  • Sign or pp all letters with your initials and a swastika.
  • Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, “I’ll see you tonight”.
  • At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem – (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
  • Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
  • For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Bob”.
  • Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
  • After every sentence, say ‘mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in “the report’s on your desk, mon”. Keep this up for one hour.
  • While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
  • In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”
  • At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again.”
  • In a colleague’s diary, write in 10am: “See how I look in tights”.
  • Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask “You wanna trade?”
  • Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now”.
  • Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, “I can’t talk about it”.
  • Posing as a maitre d’, call a colleague and tell him he’s won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
  • Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
  • Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
  • Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
  • Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
  • During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
  • Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn’t enough for you – here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere…

  • At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
  • Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
  • Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
  • Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it “IN.”
  • Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  • In the subject field for all your e-mails, write ” FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS”.
  • Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
  • Don’t use any punctuation
  • As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
  • Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
  • Sing along at the opera.
  • Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
  • Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
  • Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
  • Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
  • When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!”
  • When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, Run for your lives, they’re loose!”

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