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Light Bulb Jokes

Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to hold the breasts, I mean ladder

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two – one to change it, one not to change it

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled “coping with darkness”.

Q: How many thriller writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two – one gets it almost all the way in, then the other comes along and applies a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb in another divorced man’s house?
A: Yeah, like he gets the house!

Q: How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Fish.

Q: How many Matrix fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: There is no lightbulb…

Q: How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 10, 1 to change the light bulb, the other 9 to congratulate him down the pub.

Q: How many idiots does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 101, 1 to hold the bulb, the other 100 to push the house around!

Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to say “here’s one we did earlier”

Q: How many kids with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Hey! Do you wanna go ride bikes?

Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

Q: How many Kennedy assassination conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 15-One to screw it in, five to say he acted alone, one to say that someone hidden in the ceiling helped, one to film it, one to do an intense examination of the film and conclude that a) it was tampered with and b) it proves that the first screwer did not act alone, one to insist that the bulb was altered after it was unscrewed, three tramps to walk across the room an hour later, one to insist LBJ really screwed the bulb in, and one to accuse all the others of being disinformation specialists.

Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32…….

Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.

Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, lightbulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.

Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, you know.

Q: How many London taxi drivers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: What ? Go all the way up there and come back empty ? You must be jokin’ mate !

Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They don’t make Pampers small enough.

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