I always forget those little funny jokes that I wish I could remember. So now I stick them here – if you have a short joke that will make me laugh then send it in and maybe it will appear here too!
What do you call a dog that does magic? A labracadabrador! 😃
There are two types of people in the world: 1. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, and 1MB. That was a trip down memory lane.
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? 😀
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
I just dropped my phone in mayonnaise. Bloody hellman!
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? 😀
My wife wants me to have sex with her on the bonnet of her Honda Civic, But if I’m going to have sex like that, it’ll be on my own Accord!
I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!
How many thriller writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two – one gets it almost all the way in, then the other comes along and applies a surprising twist at the end. 😀
Yesterday evening I had to change a lightbulb, a bit later on I crossed the road. Then I walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
I hate being bi-polar. It’s AMAZING!
Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.
People keep asking me to stop naming Bruce Willis movies. But you know what they say, old habits pulp fiction.
I hate autocorrect, it always makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo!
Apparently you can’t use “beefstew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
When chemists die, do they barium?
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist orders an H2O. The second scientist orders an H2O too. The second scientist dies 🙂
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
The guy who invented predictive text passed away yesterday.
His funfair will be next monkey 😀
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Recent research reveals that 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy 😊
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
Guess who I bumped into at Specsavers today? 😀
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words ..
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
My wife says I only have two faults! I don’t listen, and ur something else!
A Brummie walks into a tailors, “Alroit mate, I’d like a 70’s suit please.” The tailor says, “Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?” The Brummie says, “Thanks mate, white with two sugars please”
A pizza is basically a real time pie chart of how much pizza is left .
What did Sting get in Amsterdam? A massage in a brothel.
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention Botox and nobody even raises an eyebrow!
A man got run over by a red lorry, a yellow lorry, then another red lorry, then another yellow lorry. Police said there was no easy way to tell his family!
Why does the Norwegian Navy put barcodes on the sides of their warships? So that when they return from battle they can … Scandanavian! (Boom boom – I’m here all week folks!)
Theresa May’s cabinet ‘not in crisis’ confirms Justice Secretary Barry from Eastenders.
To person at a fancy dress party: What have you come as?
Hmm, you’re a bit small for a harp
Are you calling me a lyre?
I went to the zoo at the weekend
It only had one animal
It was a dog
It was a shih tzu!
I knew you were nuts!
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?
This dyslexic bloke walks into a bra …
Heard about the dyslexic athiest who didn’t believe there was a dog?
Or the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?
Least visited website ever – www.dyslexia.com
DNA = National Association of Dyslexics
Shouldn’t hemorrhoids really be called asteroids?
When I heard they had found a cure for dyslexia it was like music to my arse!