Essex Dictionary

ASSA COMMONS – Our Parliament Building.

ART ATTACK – Extremely perturbed, as in “Don’t tell Sharon, She’ll have an art attack.”

ARST – Past tense of ask. “Jordan, I must’ve arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room.”

BANNSA – A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club. “Dave’s got izself a job as a bannsa.”

BANTY – A chocolate and coconut snack bar.

BAVE – To wash oneself.

BOAF – The two. “Oi Dave, ooja fancy most, Sharon or Tracy?” “Boaf” is the reply.

BRANSATCH – Motor racing circuit in Kent.

CANCEL – Administrative body of a town. “Darren, wive ad annuvva letter from the cancel.”

CANTAFIT – Fake, as in money.

CHOONA – An edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with mayonnaise.

CORT A PANDA – A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda)

DAN TO URF – Sensible, practical.

DANNING STREET – Where the Prime Minister lives.

DANSTEZ – On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is.

DREKKUN – Do you consider? as in “Which dog drekkun’ll win the next race?”

EFTY – Considerable. “Ere, Trace, this credit card bill’s a bit efty.”

EJOG – A small, spiky animal (hedgehog).

ERZ – Belonging to her.

EVVY – A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer, usually for money. “My name’s Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles.”

EYEBROW – Cultured, intellectual.

FANTIN – A jet of water for drinking or ornament.

FARVA – A posh way of saying Dad.

FATCHA – Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 – 1990.

FINGY – A person or object whose name doesn’t come to mind. “I ad it off wiv fingy last night.”

FONG – Skimpy undergarment.

FOR CRYIN AT LAAD – Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. E.G. “For cryin at lad, Britney, if I say Yes will you give it a rest?”

GAWON – Go on. “Gawon Darren, eat ya granny’s cabbage, it’ll do yer good.”

GIVE IT LARGE – To be thorough or enthusiastic.

GRAND – A football stadium. “It all wennoff atside the pub near the grand.”

HAITCH – Letter of the alphabet between G and I.

IBEEFA – The Spanish holiday island.

IFFY – Dubious. “Ere, Trace, I fink this bread pudding you made last munf’s a bit iffy.”

INT – Indirect suggestion. ” I gave Darren a sort of int that it was time to wash iz feet.”

IPS – An unknown area of a woman’s body to which chocolate travels. “That Mars Bar will go straight to me ips.”

JA – Do you, did you. “Ja like me new airdo, Sharon.”

JACKS – Five Pound note. “Lend us a jacks, wilya?”

JAFTA – Is it really necessary? “Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?”

KAF – Eating house open during the day.

KAFFY – A girl’s name.

LAD – Noisy. “Jordan, turn that music dan, it’s too lad.”

LARJ – Enjoying oneself.

LEVVA – Material made from the skin of an animal.

LOTREE – Costs £1 for a ticket.

MA BLARCH – An arch near Hyde Park.

MAFFS – The study of numbers.

MANOR – Local area.

MINGER – An unattractive person (usually woman).

NARRA – Lacking breadth, with little margin. “Mum wannid to come rand but changed er mind. That was a narra escape.”

NARTAMEAN – Do you know what I mean? (sometimes used as janartamean).

NEEVA – Not one nor the other.

NES – National Elf Service.

OAF – A solemn declaration of truth or committment.

OLLADAY – Time taken away from home for rest and adventure.

ONNIST – Fair and just, without a lie. “I never did it, onnist.”

OPPIT – Go away , as in “Oi you, oppit.”

PADDA PUFF – Soft, lacking aggression. “They’re alright up front but they got a padda puff defence.”

PACIFIC – Specific.

PAFFUL – Having much power or strength.

PAIPA – Sun, Mirror etc.

PANS AN ANNSIS – Imperial weight system.

PLAMMANS – A pub lunch usually made up of cheese and bread.

QUALIDEE – Good, as in “West ‘Am’s new striker’s qualidee.”

RAND – A number of drinks purchased for a group.

RANDEER – Locally. “There ain’t much call for it randeer.”

REBAND – Period of recovery after rejection by a lover. “I couldn’t ‘elp it. I was on the reband from Craig.”

ROOFLESS – Without compassion.

SAFF – A direction of the compass, opposite north.

SAFFEND – An Essex seaside town.

SAWTED – Done, arranged, resolved.

SEEVIN – Very angry. “I woz seevin when I urd wot ‘e sed.”

TALENT – Attractive members of the opposite sex. “Dave’s gan dan tan to eye up the talent.”

TAN ASS – A modern terraced house.

TOP EVVY – A woman of plentiful bosom. “Ere look at that, Darren, she’s well top evvy.”

UG – An unattractive person. “Sharon’s new geezer’s a bit of an ug.”

UMP – Upset, as in Got the Ump.

VACHER – A document which can be exchanged for goods or services. “I got a vacher to get in cheap at Forp Park.”

WANNED UP – Tense. “I’m all wanned up at the moment.”

WAWAZUT? – I beg your pardon.

WENNOFF – A fight commenced as in “It all wennoff”.

YAFTA – You must : “Even if yer guilty, yafta av mitigating circumstances.”

YOOF OSTALL – A place where holidaymakers can stay the night.

ZAGGERATE – To suggest something is better or bigger than is true. “Craig, I must’ve told ya a fazzund times already.” “Don’t zaggerate, mum.”