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Computer Viruses from the 1990s

Computer Viruses

Remember any these 40+ viruses from 30 years ago? Still funny after all these years 🙂

Ellen Degeneres virus – Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC.

Titanic virus – Makes your whole computer go down.

Disney virus – Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Mike Tyson virus – Quits after one byte.

Viagra virus – Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip drive.

Prozac virus – Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care.

Lorena Bobbit virus – Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

Woody Allen virus – By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card.

Joey Buttafuoco virus – Only attacks minor files.

Spice Girl virus – Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

Ronald Reagan virus – Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Dr. Kevorkian virus – Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

Oprah Winfrey virus – Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

AT&T virus – Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus – Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus –  Terminates and stays resident…It’ll be back.

Monica Lewinsky virus – Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Then there is the Clinton PC – It has a six inch hard drive and no memory.

The John Major Virus – Restricts your colour monitor to 16 levels of grey. Causes no small measure of disruption in a not inconsiderable number of areas. Oh yes!

The Heseltine Virus – Deletes 31 files, but claims 11 can be recovered.

The British Rail Virus – 90% of all files loaded from disk arrive 20 minutes late due to reformat of hard disk at 11.17 but is delayed due to wrong kind of interleave. The computers refuse to access the modem due to leaves on the line. Disables carriage return.

The Gas Board Virus – It won’t do anything now, but will send two viruses round next week.

The Guardian Virus – Corrects your spell checker. Puts the first word of any titles into italics and deletes the following space.

The BNFL Virus (British Nuclear Fuels Limited) – When you delete a file it remains on your hard disk for 24000 years, by which time it has shrunk to half its original size.

The British Telecom Virus – Causes leased lines to be taken out of service, issues a denial that it had anything to do with it, and then sends an invoice to prove it.

The AA Virus – It doesn’t do any harm itself, but it knows a virus that can.

The Traffic Cone Virus – Slows down the bus and other traffic, and has a tendency to occur on bank holidays.

The Crystal Palace Virus – Takes up a lot of space, but doesn’t actually do anything.

The Dexter Virus – Omits all-important left handed input.

The Pentium Virus – Prints “I am a name! Not a number!”

The ASCII Virus – Draws a small comedian on the screen, singing silly songs.

The Irish Virus – Deletes itself.

The Dyslexia Virus – Messes about with your flies.

The Star Trek Virus – Boldly goes where no virus has gone before.

The John Smith Virus – The best virus we never had.

The Prison Breakout Virus – Hides your files in a cake.

The Winona Ryder Virus – Turns your floppy disks into hard ones.

The Ayrton Senna Virus – Crashes any high speed hard disk.

The Nat West ATM Virus – Removes 200 bytes from each of your files and then claims that that sort of thing simply isn’t possible.

The Volvo Virus – Enables disks to survive severe head crashes, but slows processor, impossible to get rid of, and goes on forever.

The Fred West Virus – Chops up files and buries them under the Motherboard.

The West Midlands Serious Crime Squad Virus – Alters all your files (but doesn’t hide the changes) then claims that your data fell down the stairs.

The Kylie Minogue Virus – Infects all your files for a period of time, then disappears completely without trace.

The Mussollini Virus – Hangs your system – from a lamp post.

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