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Complaints to the council

Council complaints

These are allegedly from real letters to some UK Council’s housing departments:

  • My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has Fungus growing on it.

  • He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.

  • It’s the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

  • I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

  • I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

  • And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

  • I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

  • My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

  • Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

  • I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

  • 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are just plain filthy.

  • I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers.

  • The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

  • Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

  • Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

  • The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

  • Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

  • I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

  • Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

  • I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times but still I have no satisfaction.

  • This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.

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