Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
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Category : Fun Emails
Wife 2.0 – Product Warning
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Viagra-like Drugs
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society….
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DIRECTRA – a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
Truant Notes
The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to teachers in the Albuquerque Public School System by parents:
- Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
- Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
- Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father’s fault.
How to have fun on the Tube
- Make race car noises when any one gets on or off
- Tape coins to your face with sticky tape
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering “shut up, dammit, all of you SHUT UP”
- Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a small world” incessantly.
- Sell girl scout cookies (Okay it’s an American thing but you get the idea)
- On a long ride, sway from side to side with the natural rhythm of the train.
Tax Office Letter
Taken from The Guardian, an actual letter sent by the British Inland Revenue (IRS to our American Friends).
Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a “begging letter”. It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a “tax demand”. This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents.