Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.

Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Makes your whole computer go down.

Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Quits after one byte.

Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.

Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card.

Only attacks minor files.

Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the ATT virus.

Terminates and stays resident...It'll be back.

Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip drive.

It has a six inch hard drive and no memory

Restricts your colour monitor to 16 levels of grey. Causes no small measure of disruption in a not inconsiderable number of areas. Oh yes!

Deletes 31 files, but claims 11 can be recovered.

90% of all files loaded from disk arrive 20 minutes late due to reformat of hard disk at 11.17 but is delayed due to wrong kind of interleave. The computers refuse to access the modem due to leaves on the line. Disables carriage return.

It won't do anything now, but will send two viruses round next week.

Corrects your spell checker. Puts the first word of any titles into italics and deletes the following space.

When you delete a file it remains on your hard disk for 24000 years, by which time it has shrunk to half its original size.

Causes leased lines to be taken out of service, issues a denial that it had anything to do with it, and then sends an invoice to prove it.

It doesn't do any harm itself, but it knows a virus that can.

Slows down the bus and other traffic, and has a tendency to occur on bank

holidays.

Takes up a lot of space, but doesn't actually do anything.

Omits all-important left handed input.

Prints "I am a name! Not a number!"

Draws a small comedian on the screen, singing silly songs.

Deletes itself.

Messes about with your flies.

Boldly goes where no virus has gone before.

The best virus we never had.

Hides your files in a cake.

Turns your floppy disks into hard ones.

Crashes any high speed hard disk.

Removes 200 bytes from each of your files and then claims that that sort of thing simply isn't possible.

Enables disks to survive severe head crashes, but slows processor, impossible to get rid of, and goes on forever.

Chops up files and buries them under the Motherboard.

Alters all your files (but doesn't hide the changes) then claims that your data fell down the stairs.

Infects all your files for a period of time, then disappears completely without trace.

Hangs your system - from a lamp post.