- Ellen Degeneres virus
Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
- Monica Lewinsky virus
Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
- Titanic virus
Makes your whole computer go down.
- Disney virus
Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
- Mike Tyson virus
Quits after one byte.
- Prozac virus
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
- Lorena Bobbit virus
Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
- Woody Allen virus
By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card.
- Joey Buttafuoco virus
Only attacks minor files.
- Spice Girl virus
Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
- Ronald Reagan virus
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
- Dr. Kevorkian virus
Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.
- Oprah Winfrey virus
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
- AT&T virus
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
- MCI virus
Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the ATT virus.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger virus
Terminates and stays resident...It'll be back.
- Viagra virus
Expands your hard drive while putting
too much pressure on your zip drive.
- Then there is the Clinton PC.
It has a six inch hard drive and no memory
- The John Major Virus
Restricts your colour monitor to 16 levels of grey. Causes no small
measure of disruption in a not inconsiderable number of areas. Oh yes!
- The Heseltine Virus
Deletes 31 files, but claims 11 can be recovered.
- The British Rail Virus
90% of all files loaded from disk arrive 20 minutes late due to reformat
of hard disk at 11.17 but is delayed due to wrong kind of interleave. The
computers refuse to access the modem due to leaves on the line. Disables
- The Gas Board Virus
It won't do anything now, but will send two viruses round next week.
- The Guardian Virus
Corrects your spell checker. Puts the first word of any titles into
italics and deletes the following space.
- The BNFL Virus (British Nuclear Fuels Limited)
When you delete a file it remains on your hard disk for 24000 years, by
which time it has shrunk to half its original size.
- The British Telecom Virus
Causes leased lines to be taken out of service, issues a denial that it
had anything to do with it, and then sends an invoice to prove it.
- The AA Virus
It doesn't do any harm itself, but it knows a virus that can.
- The Traffic Cone Virus
Slows down the bus and other traffic, and has a tendency to occur on bank
- The Crystal Palace Virus
Takes up a lot of space, but doesn't actually do anything.
- The Dexter Virus
Omits all-important left handed input.
- The Pentium Virus
Prints "I am a name! Not a number!"
- The ASCII Virus
Draws a small comedian on the screen, singing silly songs.
- The Irish Virus
- The Dyslexia Virus
Messes about with your flies.
- The Star Trek Virus
Boldly goes where no virus has gone before.
- The John Smith Virus
The best virus we never had.
- The Prison Breakout Virus
Hides your files in a cake.
- The Winona Ryder Virus
Turns your floppy disks into hard ones.
- The Ayrton Senna Virus
Crashes any high speed hard disk.
- The Nat West ATM Virus
Removes 200 bytes from each of your files and then claims that that sort
of thing simply isn't possible.
- The Volvo Virus
Enables disks to survive severe head crashes, but slows processor,
impossible to get rid of, and goes on forever.
- The Fred West Virus
Chops up files and buries them under the Motherboard.
- The West Midlands Serious Crime Squad Virus
Alters all your files (but doesn't hide the changes) then claims that your
data fell down the stairs.
- The Kylie Minogue Virus
Infects all your files for a period of time, then disappears completely
- The Mussollini Virus
Hangs your system - from a lamp post.