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50 Things to do on the Tube
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- Make race car noises when any one gets on or off
- Tape coins to your face with sticky tape
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering “shut up, dammit, all of you SHUT UP”
- Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a small world” incessantly.
- Sell girl scout cookies (Okay it’s an American thing but you get the idea)
- On a long ride, sway from side to side with the natural rhythm of the train.
- Shave
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the train, wear yours upside down.
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
- When arriving at your stop, grunt and strain to get the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
- Lean over to another passenger and whisper “The Eagles are flying high, over the Cuckoo Nest tonight”
- Greet everyone on the carriage with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
- One Word: FLATULENCE
- On a crowded carriage, stand in the middle holding an invisible pole or hand rail for support.
- Do Tai Chi exercises.
- Stare, grinning, at a person for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got no socks on!”
- When the train is particularly crowded, moan from the back “ Oh, not now, damm motion sickness”
- Give religious advice to each passenger
- Meow occasionally
- Bet the other passengers you can fit a fifty pence piece up you nose
- Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “OOPS!”
- Show other passengers a wound and ask if they think it’s infected.
- Sing “Mary had a little lamb” whilst slowly rocking back and forth.
- Shout “ Who pinched the station?” whenever the train stops in a tunnel.
- Walk on with one of the ‘keep it cool’ boxes that says ‘human head’ on the side.
- Stare at another passenger for awhile, the announce “You’re one of THEM”
- Burp, and then say “mmmm ....... tasty”
- Leave a box between the doors.
- Ask each person, as soon as they get on if you could smell their feet.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it
- Start a sing-a-long
- When the carriage is silent, look around and ask “is that your beeper?”
- Play the harmonica
- Shadow box
- Say “ De next stop is Piccadilly Circus, mind de doors, please!” in a variety of strange accents, at each stop.
- Swing from the hand rail saying to yourself “Must Find Jungle Friends” then start to pick fleas from the nearest person.
- Say “ I wonder what this does?” and prod the emergency leaver.
- Listen to the carriage walls with a stethoscope.
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to other passengers that this is your “personal space”
- Bring a chair along
- Take a bite of a sandwich as ask another passenger “ Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
- Blow spit bubbles.
- Pull gum out of your mouth in long strips.
- Announce in a demonic voice “ I must find a more suitable host body.”
- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively
- Ask the person next to you for a “ROLLO”
- Wear ‘X-ray specs’ and leer suggestively at other passengers
- Stare at your navel and say “ I think it’s getting bigger”
- Try to convince people that you smear Vaseline on the backsides of your friends when they pass out.
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