Microsoft wants to introduce a revolutionary marketing strategy never used before by honest business men. It`s called MARKET.EXE and we were able to have a look at the source code. Let`s see if there is a backdoor in it...

*/



#include



#include



#include  /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */



#include  /* For the court of law */



#define say(x) lie(x)



#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE



#define next_year soon



#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version







void main()



{



   if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)



   {



      if (there_are_still_bugs)



  market(bugfix);



      if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)



  raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);



   }



   while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)



   {



      make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); 

		

		/* Standard Call, in lie.h */



      if (rumours_grow_wilder)



  make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);



      if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)

      {



  market_time=ready;



  say("It will be ready in one month");



  order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);



  order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);



  order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);



  vapourware=TRUE;



  break;

      }

   }



   switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)



   {



      case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:



      say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," 



			we're just testing");



      break;



      case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:



      say("Yes it will work");



      ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);



      pretend(there_is_no_problem);



      break;



      case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:



      say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"



          " the 32 bits architecture");



      inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");



      inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"



      "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");



      inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales 



					will triple");



      get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);



      break;



      case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:



      say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world 

					

					for everyone");



      register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);



      when(time_is_ready)



  {



     arrest(journalist);



     brainwash(journalist);



     when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)



        {



    order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");



    release (journalist);



        }



  }



      break;



   }



   while (vapourware)



   {



      introduction_date++; /* Delay */



      if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)



  break;



      say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);



   }



   release(beta_version)



      while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)



      {



  bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;



  release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);



  introduce(more_memory_requirements);



  if (customers_report_installation_problems)



  {



     say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");



     if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)



     {



        ignore(customer);



        order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, 



			"Keep an eye on this bastard");



     }



  }



  if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )



  {



     divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);



     wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);



     marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);



     devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);



     if (boobies_start_to_hang)



        dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);



  }



  if (there_is_another_company)



  {



     steal(their_ideas);



     accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);



     hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */



     wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);



     buy_out(other_company);



  }



      }



   /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and 



				they are all angry at us */



   order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);



   buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);



   laugh_at(everyone,









	for_having_the_patience_year_after_year





	_for_another_unfinished_version);

}







void bugfix(void)



{



   charge (a_lot_of_money)



      if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)



  say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");







   if (still_complaints)



   {



      ignore(customer);



      register(customer, big_Bill_book);



      /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/



   }



}