This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not - and made the web department take it down immediately.

In case you don't know: McDonnell Douglas is one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft.

Warranty Registration

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.

In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments

to fill out the warranty registration card below.  Answering the 

survey questions is not required, but the information will help us 

to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.



 1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. 

    [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other



 First Name: ..................................................

 Initial: ........

 Last Name: ...................................................

 Password: ................................ (max 8 char)

 Code Name: ...................................................

 Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ..........  ..........  .........



 2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

 [_] F-14 Tomcat

 [_] F-15 Eagle

 [_] F-16 Falcon

 [_] F-117A Stealth

 [_] Classified



 3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19..... / ..... / .....



 4. Serial Number: ...........................................



 5. Please check where this product was purchased:

 [_] Received as gift / aid package

 [_] Catalog showroom

 [_] Independent arms broker

 [_] Mail order

 [_] Discount store

 [_] Government surplus

 [_] Classified



 6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas 

 product you have just purchased:

 [_] Heard loud noise, looked up

 [_] Store display

 [_] Espionage

 [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally

 [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer

 [_] Was attacked by one



 7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your

 decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

 [_] Style / appearance

 [_] Speed / maneuverability

 [_] Price / value

 [_] Comfort / convenience

 [_] Kickback / bribe

 [_] Recommended by salesperson

 [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation

 [_] Advanced Weapons Systems

 [_] Backroom politics

 [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat



 8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

 [_] North America

 [_] Central / South America

 [_] Aircraft carrier

 [_] Europe

 [_] Middle East

 [_] Africa

 [_] Asia / Far East

 [_] Misc. Third World countries

 [_] Classified



 9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to

 purchase in the near future:

 [_] Color TV

 [_] VCR

 [_] ICBM

 [_] Killer Satellite

 [_] CD Player

 [_] Air-to-Air Missiles

 [_] Space Shuttle

 [_] Home Computer

 [_] Nuclear Weapon



 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?

 (Check all that apply:)

 [_] Communist / Socialist

 [_] Terrorist

 [_] Crazed

 [_] Neutral

 [_] Democratic

 [_] Dictatorship

 [_] Corrupt

 [_] Primitive / Tribal



 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

 [_] Deficit spending

 [_] Cash

 [_] Suitcases of cocaine

 [_] Oil revenues

 [_] Personal check

 [_] Credit card

 [_] Ransom money

 [_] Traveler's check



 12. Your occupation:

 [_] Homemaker

 [_] Sales / marketing

 [_] Revolutionary

 [_] Clerical

 [_] Mercenary

 [_] Tyrant

 [_] Middle management

 [_] Eccentric billionaire

 [_] Defense Minister / General

 [_] Retired

 [_] Student



 13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please

 indicate the interests and activities in which you and your

 spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

 [_] Black market / smuggling

 [_] Boating / sailing

 [_] Border disputes

 [_] Collectibles / collections

 [_] Crafts

 [_] Crushing rebellions

 [_] Defaulting on loans

 [_] Destabilization / overthrow of governments

 [_] Espionage / reconnaissance

 [_] Fashion clothing

 [_] Gardening

 [_] Golf

 [_] Household pets

 [_] Interrogation / torture

 [_] Mutually Assured Destruction

 [_] Propaganda / disinformation

 [_] Running / jogging

 [_] Sabotage

 [_] Watching sports on TV

 [_] Wines



 Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.

 Your answers will be used in market studies that will help 

 McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as 

 allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other 

 companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious 

 consortia.  



 Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?  

 Please write to:



 McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION

 Marketing Department

 Military Aerospace Division